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Gamaliel's Desk
Sunday, March 25, 2007
You Might Be A Pharisee If...
(With apologies to Jeff Foxworthy)

If you missed a family reunion or a funeral of a close friend because you didn’t want to miss the midweek service…you might be a Pharisee.

If you ever worried about whether or not you should read the italicized words in you King James Bible because they weren’t in the original text …you might be a Pharisee.

If you ever gave your pastor a doctor’s excuse for missing a Sunday evening service …you might be a Pharisee.

If you ever tried to exchange your bratwurst for an Italian sausage because you found out they were beer brats …you might be a Pharisee.

If you say grace before in-between-meal snacks …you might be a Pharisee.

If you won’t let your kids read The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe because there is a witch in the book …you might be a Pharisee.

If you object to the new church hymnals because they have “contemporary” songs from the likes of Andrae Crouch and Dallas Holm …you might be a Pharisee.

If you think the new youth pastor should not be trusted with the care of your children because he has an ICHTHUS tattoo…you might be a Pharisee.

If you rebuked the visiting preacher for not wearing a tie when he was in the pulpit …you might be a Pharisee.

If you boycotted The End of the Spear because the part of Nate Saint was played by a homosexual …you might be a Pharisee.

If you refuse to watch The Passion of the Christ because it borrows too heavily from Catholic tradition …you might be a Pharisee.

Feel free to add any "You might be a Pharisee if..." ideas to the comments section below.

If the last time you spoke to a woman at church was to tell her she needs to be silent!
I think I like this blog but I'm trying to figure it out. :~) I KNOW I'm a Pharisee/legalist and I'm trying to break the habit. I'm sad to acknowledge that I recognized myself in several of your points.
Jo Anne,

So good to have you stop by. I started this column because I saw so many Pharisaical tendencies in myself that I had to say something about them. The whole point of the column is for us to see things in ourselves that maybe we've never noticed before and ask if that is something we should really be doing or not.

Also, being a Pharisee is more about attitude than behavior. Jesus actually praised the Pharisees for their religious devotion and told his followers that everything the Pharisees told them to do, they should do, just don't be like them.

So this isn't about being less devoted or less holy and certainly not about being less well behaved. It is about being less hypocritical about our devotion, holiness and behavior.

Browse through the archives and see if there is anything else back there you like.
If you insist on the mode of baptism by immersion because of the meaning in the original Greek, but insist that using grape juice in the Lord's Supper is right because you believe God forbids people to drink wine.
If you think Jerry Falwell went to hell because he joined the Southern Baptist Convention ... you might be a Pharisee
If you can't think of a prominent preacher -- other than John MacArthur -- who isn't a heretic or apostate ... you might be a Pharisee
If you took Jesus literally when he said "cut them off, and cast them from thee," you might be a one-eyed, peg-legged, left-handed Pharisee.
If you actually believe Rick Warren introduced the Dalai Lama as his "brother in Christ" during a Tri-Lateral Commission meeting at Area 51, you might be a Pharisee.
If you carry only your own Bible with handwritten notes to church, because the pew Bibles are so sterile ... you might be a Pharisee

If you make sure your neighbors see you carrying your Bible to the car every Sunday and Wednesday, and on hospital visits ... you might be a Pharisee
HI Richard,

If you read your Bible to direction and inspiration rather than asking for man's strength in your life, you might be a Pharisee.

If you don't seek the approval of men any more because God through Christ Jesus has Delivered you from what displeases God, you might be a Pharisee.
If you use King James words in your everyday language...

If you insist that Jesus looked more like a white, European man with a British accent rather than a Middle Eastern Jew...

If you shun every other church because they were too worldly and decided to start your own church... which meets regularly in your living room...

If you get into an argumant that leaves you befuddled and then retort by saying, "Well I'm the pastor (and God's messenger) and what I say goes,"...
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